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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 12:35:09 GMT -5
She didn’t say anything, his ears where straining for an answer, but all that came where foot steps… her foot steps… moving away. His head came up as he listened to her move, he had hurt her hadn’t he? Again… but… he could not bring himself to regret it. In the fight he could have gotten her away from that man without touching her but this was different.
He was moving, following her, he stopped in the door way to the portal, forgetting about his cuts, broses and ripped shirt as the fabric and his hair continued to blow in the light wind. “Apricus…” he was facing up, his eyes meeting hers though he could not know it. “I… I lied to you… I owe it to you to tell you that, I’m not sorry. If it means you are safe, then I am not sorry for touching you, I’m only sorry… sorry I…” what was he doing? Telling the truth?
Speaking his mind as he had never done, it was not a Harpers job to speak his mind, but to say what needs to be said to fix a situation, but here he was opening up again. “I’m sorry that I’m not sorry…. I know that doesn’t make any since.” He brought his hand to his face but didn’t keep it there as he would have liked to, bringing it up to run though his drying hair, making it stay back more then it ever did. “But I’m sorry, that in this case where your life is concerned, I am not sorry for touching you…”
His attention and face was only for her, he ignored the people still scrabbling around on the deck behind him, ignored the wind, and the moving ship. His brothers warnings continued to come to his mind but he pushed them away listening for her reaction… if he would even get a reaction and not a door slammed in his face.
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E
Raging Demoness
Posts: 978
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Post by E on Apr 12, 2006 12:53:07 GMT -5
Apricus’ chest tightened even worse than her throat had moments before as she heard her name again, shaking her from her thoughts. Slowly she turned from the door to her room to look up the stairs to Killian’s form, outlined by the new sun. The storm had given him a ragged look with his windswept hair, wet bandages and torn shirt. She did not fail to notice the still bleeding hand, but her thoughts were again pulled his words as he continued to speak.
Hearing his words, Apri’s feelings started tumbling together. ‘ I lied… I am not sorry for touching you…’ those were his words… Did he, did he mean that? No… no he couldn’t. A mixture of anger, hate, and pain filled Apri as she looked into those eyes looking right back into hers. She wanted to hit him, hurt him the way those words had just hurt her. She had trusted him…
But then the next words came, about her life, and her anger paused. He had saved her… did he mean that he was not sorry for saving her?... If that was what he meant… but then those words came again… ‘I am not sorry for touching you…’ Yes. He said it again. The anger, however, did not return. Instead, memories took its place.
Looking at that broken, ragged man, Apri couldn’t help but wonder if she should be mad or if she even was. Hurt? Yes a little. She couldn’t help but feel as if her trust of him should be bruised, but when the storm rose up in her mind again… she was… she was thankful… he had saved her.
“Why?” her thought came out soft whisper. She had not meant to say it and yet, she was so confused. Again and again he confused her. He was not like the other men… That first storm… What he had told Corana… The fight… The way he always put himself between her and everyone else… The way his mask fell when it was only her around… The storm just a little while ago… Why did he do these things? Why did he act this way? And why… Why could his eyes, blind as she knew they were, look straight into her heart right now?
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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 13:08:28 GMT -5
Why?... why what? Why wasn’t he sorry? Why did he tell this too her now? “I don’t want you to be hurt, in any way. The thought of you in that storm, it scared me more then I have ever been scared before, more even then… that night.” The night he was blinded, the storm that haunted him every time in rained. “And I want to be able to help you, to save you from people and storms…” he was rambling, spilling all of his thoughts and emotions in an effort to sort them out himself and make her understand, not except just understand. “I’m… I’m not like the others Apricus… perhaps that is what is wrong with me… perhaps that is what makes me not strong enough to stop hurting you even as I help you. Please… forgive me, just one more time.”
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E
Raging Demoness
Posts: 978
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Post by E on Apr 12, 2006 13:32:03 GMT -5
Apri listened to the words, words that seemed to spill in a flood of emotions. It made her wonder, was he as confused right now as she was? A pleaing look took to those cloudy grey orbs and Apri found herself reminded of her own plea when he held her by nothing but her wrists. It amazed her to think that her forgiveness could mean so much, her’s of all people. She had always been the one looked down upon with an ugly sneer…
But why me… As much as she longed to ask him, she feared the answer…
“Killian… stop… just stop. I don’t understand why you do this… why you made me that promise… why you continue to break it… why you worry so much about my safety… why you hurt yourself because of me… I don’t want to see you hurting, Killian… So please… stop… if its going to hurt you, don’t do it… Your such a good man… but it seems your always getting hurt around me… Look at you… I can see it… I can see you hurting… and its because of me… I know it is… So please, Killian… I don’t want you to hurt… Please don’t let me hurt you any more…”
Choking back her tears, Apri found herself unable to look at the man any longer and she quickly stepped into her room, closing the door lightly behind her. Turning her back to it, she let the tears run down, but fought to keep back the sobs as she listened… listened for anything… She wanted to open the door; wanted to open it with all her heart, but her body kept her back. She wanted to tell him it was okay, that everything was okay, that she forgave him. But she didn’t want to him to hurt any more because of her… Whenever she was with him, he got hurt…
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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 15:37:28 GMT -5
Killian stood silently, listening, he was always listening, but oh how he wanted to interrupt, to stop those words and that guarded tone. But he didn’t, not until the door closed, only then did he move reaching the door and resting his back on it, sliding down until he was seated on the floor resting his head on the rough wood.
“Don’t tell me to stop… please, I can stop acting but I can’t stop feeling.” The words didn’t hurt so much anymore. It was numb, it would hurt later he could tell but he was grateful for that numbness, it aloud him to continue speaking. “the pain… it reminds me that I’m alive, before there was nothing just cold endless darkness… All of these pains will heal, I can bow again with out it hurting… even this other pain, the one in my heart will heal at the sound of your voice when it is happy or your song when we sing.” He tilted his head facing the door handle and the key hole so she could hear him just a little better, though with his clear tones it wouldn’t be hard not to hear no mater where in the small hallway.
“But if you leave… close yourself off again, where I can’t help you… that would bring a pain beyond healing. I can remember the cold and the nothingness, it hurt far more then this but the cold would hurt even more… once I knew I couldn’t help you ever again.” A sad sad smile colored his face as he finally straightened out his own feelings and spoke them to her. “I am happy when I help you… as little as it might be and as selfish as that is my heart jumps every time I am able to get between you and a reaching hand. If I can help just a little… so you will be happy for just a moment, it makes all of this little pain well worth it.” His hands where limp in his lap, as even as he spoke, the bleeding slowed to a stop. This was it, it was all or noting now. They could not avoid each other here so fare from the Hall, they would have to face it soon anyway. “I am happy when we are together, singing and talking about nothing and everything all at once. I look forward to our time together when we just sit in silent company.”
“Before you there was nothing, the only thing that could bring light into my dark world was the music, but even that was fleeting as new songs came and went always sang and played alone. But you brought new color, new meaning, to the world and the music… so please… please don’t ask me to stop… I will… if that really is what you want, I will retreat into the shadows again, this will be my final aid to your happiness.” But could she really be happy being as she was before him? His romantic heart wanted to say ‘NO!’ wanted to believe that she felt something, anything. But his practically mind was saying again that he could never effect anyone so significantly. That he really was a waist of space and air. She had made him feel as though he had a purpose, his reason for being was to protect her and make her smile and trust again… “Apricus…” Don’t take my rainbow away.
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E
Raging Demoness
Posts: 978
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Post by E on Apr 12, 2006 17:40:35 GMT -5
Apri closed her eyes as that familiar and soothing voice spoke thru the wood. She felt him sliding down the door to the floor as she too was leaning heavily on it. Listening, Apri couldn’t help but feel ashamed. Ashamed that she had forgotten that he had come to the Harper Hall in a very similar way that she had; alone and hurt.
She knew he hid, hid behind a mask. She had come to recognize that mask upon him far better than any other features in any other person. Apri now understood why she could recognize the mask, a mask none of the masters seemed to acknowledge… because it was only she who had seen him without it. He was so guarded, much like herself. To think… to think that she was all he had to smile for… to smile truly and not thru that mask…
And now she was trying to take that away so she wouldn’t hurt him. Swallowing, Apri realized just how much she would give to keep a rare happiness like that… She’d happily accept being alone to keep her music… It only made sense that Killian would accept so much pain to be able to smile without the mask… But why her? She was nobody special…
Hearing how he would give it up, give everything up and leave her be if she but wished it, Apri found tears rolling down her cheeks. If he said he would, she knew he would keep his word and that was what hurt the most. He was always so kind, so true, so willing to give. She could hear the plea in his voice, the pain and sorrow and dread at her words to come, all spoken within her name. She couldn’t take it.
Picking up his sisters spare bandages out of her things and the numbweed jar with it, she spun around, she grabbed the handle of the door and threw it open, forgetting that he was leaning on the other side. Finding him sprawled at her feet, she fell to her knees next to him.
“Shut up.” she said shortly. That feeling… the feeling that she had felt after the fight was back… that… that anger. She wasn’t mad at Killian, but at herself. She had acted stupidly thinking that removing herself from Killian would solve anything. She had promised… promised to be his rainbow and now she was trying to run away? No. He, Killian, of all people deserved better. He hurt himself everyday for her… Twice now, he had saved her… It was her turn to be brave, even if she did not like the idea.
“Just shut up, Killian.” Placing the bandages in her lap, she set the jar down and opened it. “Hold out your hand.”
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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 21:09:50 GMT -5
Killian was facing down again, listening; there was movement from inside but no words. His smile was a sad one as he smiled out of habit, a practice in futility. The last thing he expected was to be falling… physically. Already close to the ground and still numb from the storm it didn’t hurt so bad hitting the hard wood. “Apri….” But she told him to shut up and he did, shutting his mouth shut with a snap. His brow wrinkled for just a moment at her command but he obeyed, not moving from his lying position. He was too surprised, too confused to argue with her, holding his hand up to her still a good distance away so she would have to reach over to accidentally brush him. His other hand reached up to cover his face, but he wasn’t upset, behind the hand he was smiling, his shoulders slowly began to bob in silent laughter. He stopped quickly however, though the smile remained as he dropped his hand again, “milady… I don’t believe I have ever heard you so stern… I guess you really do discover something new everyday…” He was happy, so happy, he didn’t know why yet she hadn’t told him to leave… but she hadn’t told him to stay either. It was like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he had explained not exactly everything but nearly everything and it had been enough… for now.
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E
Raging Demoness
Posts: 978
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Post by E on Apr 12, 2006 21:24:25 GMT -5
Just as she started to reach hesitantly for his hand, she paused above him, unsure at his bobbing motion… was he… was he laughing? Seeing his hand move to reveal a smile, she couldn’t help but feel one start to pull at the corners of her lips. Stern? She had spoken a little sternly hadn’t she? Well that was a first for the both of them.
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” she asked, a more playful tone coloring the sternness in her voice this time. It did not, however, completely hide the mixture of other feelings going thru her, but it was defiantly the predominate one.
Reaching for his hand, she caught his longest finger between two of her own and gently pulled the hand closer. Palm down, she lifted her other hand and gently pulled at the end of the bandage that was tucked beneath the wrapped part. Her fingers were so light that she herself wondered if she was even touching him. Unused to such contact, however, she was able to pick up the slight brush against his warm skin as she carefully unwrapped his hand.
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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 21:37:30 GMT -5
Killian snapped his mouth shut again exaggerating the motion and giving her a salute with his good hand though now he was laughing inside even harder. He moved his hand with her so she didn’t have to pull though his heart skipped a beat at the touched and quickened every time her soft fingertips brushed him. He said nothing, afraid to ruin the moment and not wanting it to end.
His head turned her way as she worked, he wasn’t laughing but his smile was one of joy and is face utter contentment and trust. Someday… someday he could call her beautiful and she would not be afraid but until then he could only think it as he lay there his feet in the hall and his back in her room, wile she tended to his wound… someday.
“You know… of all the things to be stern about… you had to pick silence… I am a Harper you know…” he tried to look sternly at her but just looked silly as he began to laugh again, “that isn’t exactly a trait we are well known for.”
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E
Raging Demoness
Posts: 978
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Post by E on Apr 12, 2006 21:47:50 GMT -5
If there is one thing to see in life that you’ll never forget, it is a blind man attempting to look sternly at you. Apri could only press her lips together in attempts to hold in her own laughter. How could this man be so serious one minute then so light hearted the next? She felt she would never know, but that didn’t matter.
“Look…” she said, letting out a soft sigh as she finally lifted her palm to meet his, wrapping her fingers around his wrist so she could tilt his hand slightly toward her. “I… I should say thank you… for everything…” Dipping two fingers into the numbweed, she pulled out a small amount and began to tenderly apply it to the freshly opened cut. How many times now had he reopened it?
“… but the truth is… I… Oh never mind.” she didn’t know how to say it, how to word what her feelings and emotions were just barely beginning to short out for themselves.
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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 22:04:15 GMT -5
Killian’s face was relaxed though his heart skipped again, for the better, as she actually held his wrist. This was all too good to be really happening to him, but he would not stop it. When she spoke hesitating he brought his other hand to his face again holding a finger to his lips saying “Shhh, you don’t need to say anything… not if you don’t want to.”
He faced directly up at the ceiling again sighing and closing his eyes relaxing his body, except for his hand, keeping it in one spot so as not to put more weight on her own hand, “I’m tired… something about fighting the forces of nature really tuckers me out…” he opened the eye closest to her as though peeking though the lid though it didn’t mater weather or not his eyes where closed.
He remembered when he first started to make such expressions… he was still young, he would try and act as though he could see, at first in an effort to though people off the fact that he was blind and then to make people laugh, after that it became a habit as he remembered what he used to do with his siblings before he was hurt, trying to keep that alive in his mind and actions with his every movement.
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E
Raging Demoness
Posts: 978
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Post by E on Apr 12, 2006 22:17:10 GMT -5
Noticing how he opened one eye to ‘peak’ at her, she couldn’t help but giggle as the gaze obviously missed her. The way he still used his eyes, it was hypnotizing. There was something about those eyes that, even after all this time, still captured her. It wasn’t the clouded over look… but something deeper.
Having applied a good amount of numbweed, she removed both of her hands, wiping the bit of numbweed left on her fingers onto the wet bandages before picking up the clean ones. Starting the roll of cloth, she lifted it up and set the end on the heel of his palm and began to wrap it around both his cut knuckles and the wrist so that it would stay on, being cautious not to wrap it too tight.
“Well I would imagine so…” she said, speaking a little lighter. “You were holding on for the both of us…” Apri’s voice fell again, wondering if she should admit to it. If she should tell Killian the conflicts that were playing thru her. She decided against it, however, as she finished wrapping the hand. Flipping it gently, she fumbled with the end for a moment before managing to tuck it beneath the layers on his palm.
“There.” she said, quickly releasing his hand. Her own hands were tingling, but if it was from the touch or from the numbweed she could not tell.
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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 22:28:22 GMT -5
Killian couldn’t hold the laughter in as she giggled, “now that is more like it… no more sternness.” He shook his finger at her though he was still laughing. As she finished he dropped his hand on to his lap closing his eyes again only to have them pop back open at a shout coming from on Deck. “Land hoa, all hands prepare to dock.” Killian arched an eyebrow slowly sitting up, with a bit of a grown. “Already?” but he didn’t have to wait long for an answer as a young cabin boy came running down the stairs stopping at the sight of the blind man sitting in the middle of the hall. “Um… sir, miss, we are docking now we will unload your stuff if you just want to get off now….”
Killian grinned reassuringly at the nervise boy making him blush, “why thank you lad… I think I will do just that…” he struggled to stand momentarily then turned to Apricus. He almost held his hand out to help her up, his fingers twitched but stayed at his side. “Would you care to come with my Milady?”
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E
Raging Demoness
Posts: 978
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Post by E on Apr 12, 2006 22:40:42 GMT -5
Apricus stood at the sight of the boy, bending to pick up the numbweed and returned it to Killian’s sister’s bag. Quickly, she grabbed Killian’s guitar case and held it close to her chest with both arms before stepping into the hall.
“Alright…” she said simply as she followed them up thru the portal and into the sunlight. The scene before her had her stopping in her tracks and mouth dropping. How could she have missed such a big port only a little while ago? It was… beautiful.
Realizing she was in the way, she quickly followed Killian again as they stepped off the moving ship onto the still dock. Nearly falling, Apri was speechless… how could still ground be so difficult to walk on? Had she become that accustomed to the movement of the ship?
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Post by shawncameron on Apr 12, 2006 23:00:36 GMT -5
Killian smiled as she began moving resting his good hand on the wall as he made his way up. As the sun hit him he stopped momentarily to take it all in, the smells and the sounds… he was home. He wandered how much it had changed when a shout to his left brought him awake. “Hey Killian you lose something?” he brought his hand up in time to catch the flying stick spinning it around in a showing off manner before giving his brother a salute and starting down to the docks.
He did not stumble as suddenly the ground stopped moving but that was just because he stopped with it, getting used to the feeling before moving again. He had only moved a few steps however when another shout came at him, from ahead. “Killian! Oh Killian I never thought I would see you again.” The voice was high… a bit familiar but he could not place it.
In front of them a beautiful person with long hair, gray like Killians tied back in a large bow matching a flowing dress was running at them. The men on the dock looked twice a few blinking and staring, she really was rather attractive… Killian caught a whiff of perfume before arms were through around him in a tight hug “Beca?” he said the name of his older sister and the person let go stepping back and shaking her head giggling though Killian could not see it.
Xicon luckily chose that time to come up behind Killian, “um… no Killian that’s.” but he was interrupted as Killian was hugged again reveling the fact that the person had no breasts. His eyes widened, horrified as his hands reached fore the face. It touched something powdery and pasty… makeup… he couldn’t say anything but Xicon had no such trouble. “Vinrin aren’t you going to introduce yourself to the young lady before you do that? This is Apricus, Apricus this is Vinrin our older brother.” The man giggled again looking the Harper woman up and down. Killian was still standing stone still in utter shock.
“oh isn’t she a cute one… Like a little doll… but I must say Killian you are much cuter.” He patted the stun man on the cheek bringing him out of the daze as he stepped just a little between Apri and his… brother… he stuttered for a bit making both Vinrin and Xicon laugh. Xicon came up behind him speaking loud enough for all to hear, “hear that Killian your ‘cute’ it’s a good thing your related, he hasn’t sunk that low… yet.” Vinrin pouted momentarily before smiling and giggling again jumping up and down and clapping his hands together. “Oh I forgot to tell you Xicon I have a Boyfirend!” he giggled again making Killian shudder silently still shocked.
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