Z'rion of Bronze Viderieth (updated)

[hrsegrl245]

(please delete)

[Drache]

Z'rion's History:
1st paragraph of History:
Dissolution means to break down. It was his job to break down the family? Sounds like that would cause a lot of strife for such a large family. And if he was the one causing trouble, why would people turn to him for advice? He’s not even one of the older siblings. Maybe dissolution wasn’t the word you were looking for.

2nd paragraph of History:
This is very awkwardly phrased and worded.

5th paragraph of History:
Candidate needs to be capitalized. Please check spelling. Haphazardly.

6th paragraph of History:
The sixteen turn old was not long?? Doesn’t make sense. Hatching Sands. Dragon talk needs to be in bold.

8th paragraph:
Weyrling Master is capitalized.

9th paragraph:
Wingrider is capitalized.

Dragon description: Videriath is now full grown. Check grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

[hrsegrl245]

*blushes* I'm a horrible typer. Anyway all that was pointed out has been fixed and I rechecked my spelling and grammar... figured it was all fixed since its been approved once before, but apparantely not.

Let me know if you notice anything else. Thanks!

[Drache]

Sweet. :-) They were already approved, but you know me. I'm just picky. I'm gonna go ahead and move all your riders profiles.

[Dizzy]

Clutch- Gold Rylonith by Bronze Thetath